Two Bananas

Does anyone understand men? Anyone? Hands? Anyone?

Most women I know throw up their hands at this question, but not in order to answer it. More in baffled surrender. It even seems the older we get, the more we realize, we haven’t a clue. They boggle our minds.

Do men understand men? Do men understand themselves?

I find communication with one is often as allusive or nearly as impossible a task as a cat trying to catch a moving laser light toy. Are they just deeply mysterious characters, concerned with too many of life's important issues to be bothered with mundane matters? Or do we read too much into their silences, ducks and dodges?

I think we women over-think probably nearly everything. So, yeah, we probably assign to them all kinds of complicated stuff which they are never even considering. They probably just want us to stop talking, so they can focus their one track minds on a game, or some mechanical problem in their heads, or to go to sleep perchance to dream of some heroic deeds, or to figure out how to get laid.

What’s the latest study about the percentage of time men spend thinking about sex in a day? Something like every three seconds? I wonder what’s in their minds the other two seconds.

A dear male friend just called. He is a very mechanically and mathematically minded and very kind soul, with his female side quite well developed. He's a good teacher. He can easily and succinctly explain String or M theory to me, (though not what M stands for), and make it seem simple.

He's a computer wizard. The guy can fix any broken thing I hand him. Within minutes he fixed the juicer that had bellied up from my smashing too many carrots in at one time. He rewired his own kitchen. Fixes his own car. He’s a voracious reader of complicated sciences and and philosophies. A film maker. A photographer. Pretty good artist. A musician who plays many instruments. A composer. He’s a good carpenter. He even sews and irons. More than this woman is willing to do. If I can't spray the wrinkles out with water, I'll wear something else. He swears he cooks, too. Haven’t seen that one.

I think this sensitive, aware, well-read, brilliant minded, and talented Renaissance kinda guy should be able to explain the way men think and feel to me. So, I asked him if he understands men.

Yes, he said. He does.

I waited.

I pushed further. So?

He responded. And I quote verbatim, “One banana, two banana, three banana, four.”

Well, there you have it, simplified from the mind of masters... It seems they do have multiple track minds, after all. And that was a banana in his pocket, maybe four.

I think I have to go cook dinner now.